Do you desire greater consciousness for your relationships? Today, Shannon is joined by her husband Max Zoulek to talk about how the tools of Access Consciousness® have contributed to their relationship and how you can have greater awareness with your relationships.

Stuff comes up in every relationship, and every relationship has problems, but it’s about being willing to work through those issues. What would it take to actually function from question, choice, possibility, and contribution? And what if you didn’t have to get it right? What if there was no getting it right? What if it was choice every step of the way? 

Listen to learn tools for how to make a relationship work, using Access Consciousness® and your own awareness. These tools aren’t just for a marriage, they’re for any relationship. A relationship can only work for you if you acknowledge what’s true for you, first and foremost. What if you asked a question rather than trying to determine and decide what a relationship is? 

Key takeaways:

  • How much are you refusing contribution? 
  • Who are you being in relationship? 
  • Acknowledge what is
  • Stop judging and ask questions instead
  • Why are you doing this relationship?
  • The relationship has to work for YOU first

Resources: 

 

 

Recipe for a good Relationship

Any good relationship is like a healthy live culture. All fermentation must be kept healthy with attention, care and the right ingredients to start with.

If a culture is kept healthy it will give and give for many happy years, passing on its good bacteria to all who come in contact with it. If cultures do not have the right ingredients to start with or are neglected, you will most likely end up with a very bad smell.

Like a good ferment (making the vital elements of any single ingredient more dynamic), a good relationship will bring the best out of its people and make what is best about each person more available, not less.

This is how you can gauge if your relationship is good for you and the other; if each ingredient (person) can access more of themselves in the relationship, then you know the recipe for that relationship is on the right track.

If a person sours in their being in the relationship, the balance of all ingredients is wrong and must be adjusted until balance is established. If balance cannot be established, it is best to dispose of the relationship (ferment) and move on.

There are many many more ingredients to experiment with.

To begin growing a robust and healthy relationship (culture) make sure all ingredients are available before beginning the relationship. If certain ingredients are missing like self-trust, caring and openness, the ferment will most likely not be successful.

The measurements required in this recipe are largely due to the desired taste of the finished dish. If you are only preparing for a short-term relationship, scale back your measurements to suit.

Make sure that all ingredients are vibrationally compatible. You can ferment almost anything but you might not be happy with the outcome. For example, what will adding a banana to kimchi create? However, hops, yeast and water will lead to a very pleasant outcome. If you and another person (base ingredients) have different sleeping habits, eating habits, different points of view about family and money, the final outcome may not be tasty or nourishing for either.

Recipe:

•Many generous handfuls of knowing what your priorities in life are.
(This ingredient can be hard to find. Without this, there is no base for the ferment, and culture will not establish. To locate this ingredient, you may need to search in remote dark places, use the senses where your mind has never travelled. Be your own truffle pig to find this exquisite rare ingredient).

•Mega helping of knowing who you are getting into a relationship with.
(If you are unable to see the person you are getting into a relationship with, initially due to fantasy or dreams, that’s ok. Endeavour to be honest with yourself as you go. Failure to be honest about the person you are in a relationship with will usually lead a spoiled ferment, with undesired bacteria taking over).

•20 cups of allowance (no one is perfect, not even you)

Preparation Note:

Do your best not to lose yourself in the preparation. If you give up yourself in the preparation of the recipe, you are less likely to enjoy the final flavour.

Have fun if you can. Sometimes the smell of the ferment can be offensive, but give it more time to mature and then assess it’s health. Enjoy with a side dish of sex, or even family, and learn to develop your own flavours together.

Bon Appetit 😉

Visit Shannon's Relationship page to find out more about creating an amazing relationship that works for both you and your partner:

shannon-ohara.com/relationships

Happy Nearly 7 Year Anniversary Babe

I first met Max in Australia when he was still married to someone else (don’t judge us 😉 In those first few months we fell in love and we both knew we had a ‘hard’ road ahead if we were going to be together.Long story sort of short, we did it. And in the beginning if I had known what those first few years would have been like, would I have chosen them?

Well, I’m glad I didn’t know then cause it was all so worth it.

It would have been easy to give up in those first few hard years.

Max had to make some big choices his family didn’t support, get a divorce and go through all that.

I was deported from Australia at that time also which was the biggest blessing in disguise. It was my deportation that made us look at what we really wanted to choose. If we were going to be together, Max either had to move overseas with me (which he could not do as he had two of the cutest little kids in Australia) or we had to be married so I could come back to Australia.

Not the most romantic proposal story =) but that’s how ours went.

A proposal of practicalities and two people making a big choice that would change not only our lives but the lives of all around us.

And so we were married after only knowing one another for a little over a year.

We didn’t get the normal courtship, where you live in the same town and get to casually develop your story.

For us it was get married or don’t see one another for 5 years.

I had never thought of marriage in my life before. I was not one of those girls who dreamt of getting married. I was one of those girls who dreamt of exploring the world. Thank the lord I was born in 1979 in southern California were those girls’ dreams could come true.

Mine was not a traditional family; my parents never spoke to me about getting married or starting a family of my own. In fact, all my siblings are half and step brothers and sisters. My parents had been married and divorced before and divorced one another eventually.

So when marriage was on the table it was this strange friend I didn’t fully trust but who offered me a key to a new life I never realized I wanted.

Max showed me how to trust in love and caring in a way I had not been willing to before.

I was always expecting the other shoe to drop. To be abused, to be left.

In every relationship before I had to be the one to leave first so I would not be left. I never really chose to be close to anyone so I wouldn’t loose them or me.

I didn’t recognize in the beginning (and still discovering some of it now) how much I thought that I or the other person would always leave.

I never thought of relationship as a long term thing, it was a flashing bliss that would inevitably fall into failure.

Max showed me something different through his unwillingness to just let me walk away. He showed me how two people could work through stuff, not just fight about it and move apart.

He listened to me, he wanted to work with me and work on the relationship.

When I was reactionary, he would wait patiently until he could get through to me.

When I was angry and in conclusion he would always stay open to me. Loving me, never leaving me even if I tried to push him away with all my might.

It was through his persistence and patients that I began to trust love. And if someone was going to hurt me it didn’t matter because the power of opening to love was never worth losing again.

I had walked around guarding my heart. I was cynical about love as I had seen those who said they loved judge, lie and do harm.

We have only been together for 7 years and some would call us newlyweds still. And the amazing thing that keeps happening is that it keeps getting better and better. I was stoked on Max in the beginning but today our relationship is even a million times better then that.

We were supported, coached and facilitated by my amazing stepfather. Gary worked with us tirelessly every time we asked. We owe so much to him and the tools of access for helping us keep our shit together and discovering what a really amazing relationship can be.

One where we both keep growing and changing, where we allow one another to be who we are and always empower the other to choose. One where there are no barriers or judgment. One of total gratitude and honour.

I never thought this was possible but because of Max and Access, I do now.

I want to spend the rest of this life time creating with Max not because I’m too unimaginative or creative to do anything else but because he makes my life a better place. He gifts me everyday with this presence and kindness. Like really, I’m not just fluffy talking. My life is palpably better with him in it.

I have even started looking at what it will be like after one of us dies and will I still love this being when it has no gender (I’m weird).

We have been all over the world together, we raise our kids (Fin & Estelle) and facilitate Access.

We love food (like seriously we are obsessed), life, beauty, one another and watching the change consciousness can create (again, obsessed).

What would you like? Dare you find out?

Shannon-ohara.com/relationships/

Sex and relationship can be an illustrious and treacherous area. Booby traps (no pun intended ? of judgment, insecurity, power, closure, defence and need just around every corner. And it can also be an expansive gift that touches us in ways that so many of us deeply desire. So to begin with, would you be willing to destroy and uncreate everything that relationship is to you?

I was 15 years old and trying really hard to fit in with the vibe that was going on all around me. Plenty of talk amongst my friends of ‘hooking up’, ‘getting it in’, ‘I’d fuck her’ and being cool enough to qualify for the desirable and elusive girl.

These vibes never felt right to me but sex was still on my mind in a big way. Hell, even in 6th grade all I thought about was having sex with the student teacher! Testosterone was pumping through my veins and the urge to play with female bodies was almost unbearable.

Me teenage sex years were a tumult of the points of views of the other males in my life and my knowing that something greater was possible yet never knowing how to get there. My fathers self worth was founded on his capacity with money and the looks of the woman on his arm, my friends wanted to stick it in wherever and however they could and pornography only showed sexual excitation through judgment, force and violence.

Needless to say, my sexual desire did not fit any of the pictures I saw all around me.

At one time, I had found sex stories on the internet and was a big fan of reading whatever I could get my hands on. I masturbated for the first time when I was 15 and felt terrible about myself when my mother found me reading these stories in my bedroom (In hindsight what was really the problem!? Did I do something wrong with my big bad penis?). If only I had known the tool ‘Who does this belong’ to when I was 15?!

I have since come to realise that so many of the twists, shutdowns and judgments of sex that I thought belonged to me were actually an awareness of other peoples’ heads all around me, especially those closest to me.

I went on to having small encounters with girls at school. From being too shy to kiss my first girlfriend at 15 to losing my virginity at 17. Anxiety, shutdown and intense desire would be the closest words to describing my life at the time. Can any of you guys relate??

Even to this day I am still getting clear on what it is to be a man. Are men the perpetrators of the diminishment of women? Are women ever the diminishers of women? If we are truly all infinite beings, what is all this circus about gender wars, abuse & perpetration?

As a humanoid man I have had even less of a clue of how to deal with women. I always had to be in judgment of myself to determine whether I was wrong or right. Would I make the right choice or the wrong choice? Will I get the sex right or will I fail? Will I fulfill this woman’s desires or will I fail? I could never be myself. And heads up to all the men reading this…. This is never a turn-on to women!

This is where the tool of ‘Interesting Point of View’ becomes really handy. When you are totally head-tripping (thinking a lot!) yourself into being the most repulsive man on earth, say to yourself, “Hey, what if this is only an interesting point of view that I am being the most repulsive man to the female race?” Rather than perpetually judging yourself into thinking that your judgment will one day make you a better man.

And a side note on the tool… what if you were being ‘interesting point of view’ about your judgments and then had every choice available to you? What would be possible then?

From my early 20’s I explored many modalities to find out what could be possible with sex, women and relationship. I did years of men’s groups, men’s & women’s work, tantra classes and self-judgment. Oh, did I mention I judged myself a lot? I really couldn’t get it right, no matter what I did.

I had few relationships before meeting my first wife at 23 and being a father at age 25. That’s right, my first child 15 months after we first met! A long time before that I had decided that I would definitely be a father and that this would make me a more important person. Interesting point of view I had that point of view!

When I met my current wife, Shannon, my life was going down hill fast. I had plenty of great ideas of what could work in relationship and never the balls to apply them. It was at this point that I recognised that one of the gifts a woman can be to a man is to never accept less from him than what he is capable of.

She saw more in me than I had ever been willing to truly acknowledge before. And she would accept nothing less than my commitment to my life and what I knew.

If you are a man reading this, have you ever noticed the desire to be everything you can be in your relationship?… in your life?… for your woman?… and for the world?

Has that been available to you before? Have you been successful with this in your life?

It wasn’t until I found Access Consciousness that I could be everything that I am and like Dr Dain Heer says, “It never looks like you thought it would!”

Like it or not, there is nothing like a vagina to inspire a man to greatness. And by ‘vagina’, I mean the vitality and light of being alive and the force of the living earth. AND I mean vaginas. The ones that walk around in pants.

Women, here is a secret about men. You have the power to inspire a man to greatness or to crush him to dust… What would you have to receive about you to inspire a man to be all he can be? Do you desire more from him than you are willing to admit? What will it take for you to have what you desire with a man?

Are you willing to inspire a man to greatness by whatever means you have available to you? Are you willing to challenge him to a degree of greatness that he would otherwise shy away from? Vaginas are one of the most powerful tools on earth, speaking for all men, please use them wisely.

After three-and-a-half years of being with Shannon now, through the good times and bad, I am more aware than ever of the possibilities that a committed relationship can create. Not just a commitment to the other person, but a commitment to your own life.

Do you commit to the energies that create separation? Or do you commit to the energies that create greater intimacy? Whether you choose to be single or in relationship, it is the same choice. A commitment to your life.

What would you truly like to create?

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MORE SEX & RELATIONSHIP PLEASE!

 

 By the time I got to the age where a relationship with a man was even on my radar I was totally clueless. The urge, need and ever-present awkward desire for “something” with a man seemed to occupy every space of my life.

It started with my brother’s friends, finding ways to sneak out to spend time with them when they were over with no awareness of what I was after or what I wanted if I even found it.

As I grew older my body's desires coupled with social influence pushed me to declare that I had to have sex before I was 18!

Where did this choice come from? Was I making it cause I knew that sex before I was 18 would create the most for me, really benefit my life in the most supportive way? Unfortunately no. I stumbled into it half-blind and completely stoned. Self-introspection was nowhere to be found.

So I did it, I “lost” my virginity a few days before my 18th birthday to a really gentle, kind slightly older guy
who I preceded to completely ignore for the rest of my time at school with him. I was so disconnected to the whole experience. If there was any pleasure or joy in it I didn’t notice. It was not awful but it was certainly not what I have grown to know is possible in sex and relationship. It was the first time for me in this body and I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have screwed that kind, gentle-faced guy way more. But alas, only the once for us.

I then proceeded over the next 14 years to stumble in and out of one-night stands, short-lived relationships, and some longer-term ones. I would always proceed on with these guys with no clear choice in sight, impelled by need, validation, and other forces of my subconscious. Getting into something with one man, sometimes if I was lucky enjoying some part of it and other times quite literally not enjoying a single part of it besides the initial flirtation. Why did I carry on you may ask? Well, this is the million-dollar question. Why do so many of us continuously search for a mate, a companion?

Someone to be with or just to have sex with?

Is it a biological drive to perpetuate the species? Is it ever a creative, conscious choice for some? And if it is a conscious choice for some, what are they choosing for?

So as I grew into a woman I was simultaneously doing Access Consciousness®. When most of my peers were out getting drunk or having sloppy sex somewhere at college I was spending my days running bars and seeking to look ever deeper at the truth behind everything. Not the most common twenty-something thing to do. Not the most common any age thing to do.

So I was learning about consciousness from my stepdad Gary and through life of course. I was learning how not to divorce myself in relationship and how certain choices created more or less consciousness depending on what they were.

I was learning how to be aware of what was going on in the bodies and universes of the people I was choosing as sex or relationship partners, not always the easy way.

I was learning what was true for me rather than constantly seeking to match some picture of what I had been sold about relationship. One man after another taught me what I liked and what I didn’t like. Gary taught me that if I was not happy, change something. That I always had choice and more importantly what choices created and was I choosing from my reality or someone else's?

I even at times thought perhaps I don’t desire a relationship. It seemed that relationship was the cause of so much unhappiness and trouble for myself and others.

Yet secretly I deeply still desired relationship, but to what means and ends?

And then I met my husband. The circumstances of our meeting were not ideal. I was living thousands of miles away on another continent at the tail end of a failing relationship and he was married with two small children at the tail end of a failing marriage. I was seeking ever forwards but for what, I was not sure. He was also seeking and always with the accompaniment of a lifetime of parents telling him he should fit only into their point of view and wife who only wanted what she wanted and forever withholding with total expectation of him giving up everything for her. And he did. When I met my beautiful man he was a shadow of himself. Yet the deeply kind, intelligent, creative, handsome man still shone through.

We wound up socializing without much intention and both of us could sense a deep yearning developing between us.
And so we stood before two paths. One would take us down a more acceptable road where we would shake hands as friends and carry on with our separate lives… thinking every now and then of that quick, fleeting spark that we had once with that lovely person.

Or another path that has taken us to where we are today, happily married and getting better and better all the time.
Now did he and my magical fairytale happen just by accident? Fuck no! And in fact, this is better than a fairytale, this is a real-life practical relationship were both parties consciously choose to participate in the growth for better.

Now have we always been on the same page about what growth for better was? Fuck no!
Have we both had to commit to changing at our very deepest core, fuck yes!
Would I have it any other way? Fuck no!
Have I wanted to throw in the towel at many points along the way, fuck yes!
Did I? Momentarily.

And then I began to recognize this funny thing. I began to recognize what was true for me. I began to recognize the invaluable gift my husband was and is to me. I also began to recognize my inability to receive the great gift he is and was. I began noticing my automatic reactions that would drive him away and ultimately hurt me. Anything to not receive it. I always had the best reasons of course for why he was wrong and why I should separate from him. He was selfish or inconsiderate or not devoted enough or too stupid or, or, or………….? Girl’s you know what I mean?

Side note, in my years as a facilitator I have found that this is a common phenomenon with women. They have a beautiful, kind, and devoted man who desires nothing more than to make her happy and she refuses it. To both of their detriment. (I am not saying that all men are a beautiful amazing gift to women and I will leave my husband to discuss that with you)

Back to me, I started acknowledging how much had changed in my life and especially with my body with the presence of my husband. I was softer and having more ease and peace. The ever-present low-grade anxiety was gone, I had peace. ALERT, there must be something wrong! Nope, there was something right.

Using the tools and processes of Access got us through all the seemingly impossible insanity of relationship. My husband and I will both attest that our relationship would not be possible without the intervening of Gary and the power tools of Access.

Tool #1, don’t give you up to make the other person happy. Don’t become what you think they want. Be you, it is a greater gift than anything in the universe.

Tool #2, Honor the other person. Don’t expect and project them to fulfil your needs and wants. Ask, seduce, invite them into your life and be grateful every step of the way. (This is one I am still working on).

Tool #3, Never stop creating. As soon as a relationship goes on maintenance mode it is doomed. If you are not happy, create beyond it. Keep interested and present with your partner. Unless you only desire a little intimacy, then just be a little present with your partner.

Tool #4, Don’t expect them to make you happy and be everything for you. Your happiness or lack of happiness is your responsibility, no one else’s. Happiness is inviting, sad just sucks for everyone.

Tip #5, Choose someone who makes your life better. Someone who gives you greater access to you. Also, be that person who allows the other to have all of them even if you think you are going got loose because of it. Be willing to lose, then only then can you truly gain.

Tool #6, Care more than anyone can stand, even you.

Ready to discover a greater reality with Relationships with Shannon O'Hara? Click HERE ❤️

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